Interesting entry by Cyren on 'What guys need in a relationship!'

The following entry is copy and paste from Cyren (hope he doesn't mind), which I personally think that they are quite true....

Extracted from Cyren.......

What Guys need in a relationship! (And it sure ain't sex)


Hey ya'll

There's one very important thing guys need from their significant half if a relationship is going to work. Sadly this is most often overlooked which lead to a many misunderstood reactions and the passing of blame, mostly on the women's half. "I try to be helpful and this is what I get?!" she will say. Well, the truth is, in being in a relationship, a guy is most often expected to be a "gentlemen" and tolerate whatever the lady projects on him. But there is one thing, one single important golden rule that cannot be broken. The final nerve. The last straw. And here it is; "When the woman attempts to 'help out' in something a guy does without him asking!"


You may probably be wondering what's so bad about helping out. After all, isn't a relationship about holding up each other's load? Well the thing is there is a little difference in the way men work and women work. Women are more inclined to ask for help and work in a group to achieve something. But for a man, he will love to try and try on his own, asking for help when there really is nothing left to do. Now, really there is no need to crease your eyebrows and say "GOD! Men and their Male EGO" (as I know most of you are probably doing) because it really is not quite a manifestation of male ego. Male nature maybe...but I think it would be rather drastic to classify it as male EGO. After all, when a lady behaves like a lady (i.e.


But seriously look back to your own relationship ladies. How many times have you had it where you helped your man out (without asking) in an area of work which he considers himself to be rather good in and ended up with a peeved male on your hands? And gentlemen...how did you feel the last time your partner did something of the sort? Quite frustrated I believe?


Now do let me attempt to explain this to you. Well, I suppose there can be any number of explanations to this but here's the one I have come up with; Men need to be able to do something and to be trusted to figure it out for themselves. And as for the why? Well, it is simply because Men, like women, need something to measure themselves by. I won't go as far as to venture to say that Men are feeling threatened about loosing their identity...but rather it is more of a "I need to prove to YOU and MYSELF that I can do this! So let me do this on my OWN!" Once again the ladies can retort by saying "But we KNOW you can do it! We still BELIEVE in you...so please let us HELP you!" But things don't work like that for a man. TO ure guy...ure probably just being patronizing (whether you intend to be or not) that's all.


Working together comes naturally for ladies and it is hard for them to accept sometimes that men need to work alone.


Now really don't quite lay it down so hard on the guy. You must understand that in a relationship the public pressure is mostly on us. Like when anything goes wrong it is usually the "guys' fault" and really, no matter how much you insist on "equality" and "standing up for yourself" and all that jazz...which lady can resist a man who sweeps her off her feet, shower her with praises and rub her back at the same time? (basically a man who can take care of your needs). Well, I say ladies, now is the time to return the favor.


Let your guy do his thing, it doesn't quite matter what exactly the thing is (it could be fixing the pipes...or even homework) and only ever help when he asks you. It is okay to enquire "do you need my help dear?" or give occasional encouragements like "looks like you're getting somewhere dear! Great job!" But really, if he says "It's okay honey! I can handle" then do leave the constructive criticism and idea input for when he asks you. Besides it will only mean more time to do YOU things!

Even when working in groups, men are content to just sit back and trust the other man to succesfully complete his part.

Simple rule of thumb;
men work together like they are playin sports. They will give each of the team members roles, (ex. Goalie, striker, defender) and trust each man to play his role well. It's not bad or good...it's just the way most guys get things done. And it would do well for gals to remember that.

On the other hand guys should remember that when ladies work together, they tend to list out the things that must be done and do it with someone...rather than giving each lady a role to do. And that's what guys have got to cater to when the lady in his life is stressing.

It's about adapting to each of the other's differences, that's what it comes down to.

My Comment to the above:

Well...i guess most guys are just not good in expressing their emotions. Guys usually like to keep things to themselves? My friend used to tell me that when gals have problems, they will talk it out while guys will retreat into their caves and come out when they are ready.

I guess guys are not so good in expressing their emotions because we are grown up in the culture where guys are not the one to say "I am sad.... ",etc.

And when guys ask for help, they want solutions rather than just a pair of listening ears? Saw something similar in my friend's blog too... but I think she doesn't want to be mentioned... so I just keep her identity discreet.... in her blog... she mentioned some "sayings of wisdom" from her mother..... "when your dad reaches home, he would come home, have dinner and bathe and get back to work. When there is no communication, and all he does is to be quiet, that means he is busy with work and pre-occupied with alot of things in his mind....."And that makes it different from women.... cause most of the time... we need to talk it out... to just let our emotions flow out.... maybe that's why... I saw a blog.... someone was saying.... sometimes guys are the ones who are harder to get over a r/s than gals because they seldom share their emotions with people? So guys.... just let your emotions flow out when you need to okay?

And of course guys will want to try to solve it themselves too before they really ask for help, maybe when they do ask for help, esp. from women, they felt a sense of weakness?

But then again, it can also be due to personality rather than gender issues. And with the people that you work with. Sometimes with different people, you rather work/solve problem on your own regardless of gender?

But of course if that is what the guys do best... then let them do it.... they get to feel a sense of achievement.....

Am I right? =)