了解对方真正的需要

Few days ago, I came cross the following article in My Paper - 我报。Do take a look.


For those who don't understand Chinese, basically it says that we need to understand the real needs of others/our partners and not based on our own yardstick (standard of measurement) but that of others.

In the article, it mentioned that there were 1 couple, where the wife was hosipitalised. The husband just went to visit the wife like he was visiting an employee. Took a look and left. The wife was not happy but did not bring it up.

Some time later, the husband was sick and hospitalised. The wife was there to feed him medicine, passed him water, giving him magazine for boredom. As she was peeling skin of fruits, she was telling the husband, "See when you are sick, I'm so good to you. you should also do this to me when I'm sick."

The husband gave a bitter smile saying, "Actually when I'm sick, I just want to have a good rest." This time, the wife finally understood. Actually she has been using what she wants to torture his husband.

The author concluded that the misunderstandings between two opposite genders was often due to the lack of understanding or neglected the actual needs of the partner. What is the actual needs of the one you love? Is it receiving gifts? Is it physical touch? Is it acts of service? Is it words of affirmation or is it quality time?


My two cents worth:

I got to agree with the authors that we often use our own standard of measurement in our expectations of others. And we always believe in the golden rule of "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." which may not be true afterall.

Like the story above, we can see that the wife do those acts to the husband, and wished that the husband would do the same thing. The husband, on the other hand, didn't disturb the wife and give her rest, was also because that is what he wants. And therefore, they are living with the "golden rule" but on a different level.

Thus, communication is still VERY important. I guess we need to communicate our needs to each other. Letting each other know what needs we need. For example, if a guy's love language is not into physical touch, I guess we cannot expect alot of touching or hugging from them. And if a gal's love language is word of affirmation, the guy should occassionally affirm her that she is the gal that he loves and great to have her around etc. Of course, one should know what are the needs of each other.

With knowing each other's love langauge, I guess it can increase the understanding of your partner and prevent misunderstandings as you will not get angry, knowing that that may not be your partner's love langauage after all.

To find out what is your love language, click here. I did the quiz few months back here and my love language is quality time and words of affirmation. Quality time doesn't mean spending everyday together but rather spending time together. Even spending time at home with each other, watching DVDs or doing something together.... is quality time. =)