Do you want to hear a joke?

"I sense fear of speech"

Yes. You are 100% right. I did not know how to response and what to say or whether to say it or not. Like you say, either way, it's not going to help.

As much as I wanted to help, I felt so helpless to help you. I wanted to help you not because I sympathize or empathize or pity you, it because you are a very important and special friend who I want to care for. Likewise for other friends who has an importance place in my heart, I will go all out to help, even if I have to give up on my sleep and you know it. Only thing is that you own slightly bigger place.

I wouldn't say self-motivation is easy. Because these few months in life I'm actually not as motivated as I used to be. I know what it feels to have that moments of "down" and don't feel like doing anything, even stepping out of the house. Despite all these downs, I guess what makes me become stronger and "up" my mood is you. Because I want to see if I can help you in any way, however small it may be. If me myself is "down", I wouldn't be of any help.

Sometimes it can be disheartening to see events and situations hitting us badly over and over again and nothing seems to become better or mistakes keep repeating itself. But,

"山不转，路转。路不转，人转。人不转，心要转."

When will things be better for  you? You may wonder. No one can predict the future, we just got to try our best every time. And if we did, we should smile because we did all we can. If we didn't, we just got to "let it go" because at the point of time when we choose not to put in our best, it is the choice that we made at that point of time, which may be right or best at heart AT that point in time. Do not look back and said I "should have". You will never know and no one knows.

Whichever you choose or decide, just stay happy. And be happy. =D